May 10, 2011

sorry..good bye..I love you

All I ever dreamed and wanted was just to have a complete and happy family. I can no longer see my self suffering from our relationship. I don't even know if its God's will or the will of the people around us that have been driving us all along. I know I have a responsibility to you. But with what happened for the past two days, I can only forgive but not forget. 

The only reason why I went to your house yesterday was to check if your fine. No one told me anything, not even a clue. I was so worried, are you sick, or what if something bad happened on your way back here. Txted' you even called your phone but it's out of reach. Messaged your mom, she didn't answer. Excuses could be made, but not a simple notice from your side have been imparted to let me know that your fine.

Can't settled down myself, worrying about you, I rushed to your place last night.  On the bus, I thought of so many things, "bakit wla nag txt?" "nagkasakit kaya sya, kasi sige byahe" "what could be wrong". Things, those things made occupied, and forgot that I haven't eaten food since breakfast. 

When I got to your house, as you said; your parents refrained your from txting and kept away your phone. I don't understand why, for whatever valid reason, I think I do also, have also have the right to know if your fine or not. If your still at your house or your on your way to Davao. There are just so many ways for "you" to let me know. 

Making a fool out of me. I believe it ain't God's way of testing my love. For what ever reason to the things that happened for the past few days. I have all the respect to your family, but I can no longer be part of it anymore. I don't want to be away nor apart from you. I don't want the child growing up without a father. I don't want to run anymore. But that was until last nights events, and to what ever reason that "they" have did to you. 

Didn't they even consider letting me know that you are still at your house. That they want me to come to your place. That they want to talk "madali lang naman ako kausap eh, bat kaylangan pa gawin un" and with it I lost all my respect. I was not a joke, being a fool. Hahahah I am willing to do all things, just don't make a fool out of me. For I am not afraid to whatever might happened to myself with regards to my actions. Why would I be afraid, I lived my life to the fullest. Pretty much did everything, tried everything, but not drugs. I hope you, they are now satisfied, clearly for what every happened it was not God's will, but surely it was the will of every people that had taken it into action and in their own hands, rather that communicate and talk. 

There is nothing in this world that would make me fell afraid of dying. There is no one in this world can earn my trust and love no more, the trust and love that I have shared to you. I suffered so deep, even disregard my well being. Now, from now own, its going to be "Me, Myself and I"

I'm afraid that to what ever I have promised that I would do, would all be gone now. Cause from now on. I will not dream of a happy and complete family no more. I'll face reality. Life is short, I'll spend life to its fullest once again. Live the day after the other. 

I love you... goodbye.. I am so sorry .. truly I'm sorry for this have to happened. 

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